Letting Go of What You Can't Control

Gentle Reminder: This blog is meant to offer encouragement and general information about mental wellness. It isn’t a replacement for counseling or professional care. If you find yourself struggling, please consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional who can support you in your journey.

It’s Tuesday morning, and you hit snooze on your alarm for work three times too many, and now you have only thirty minutes to get ready. You finally make it to the car, but traffic is backed up for miles, and you decide to take a shortcut; so does everyone else. At this point, being late is unavoidable, and the stress and anxiety begin to rise as you think about how this will throw your entire day off track. 

We’ve all been there. Wanting to feel in control is natural because it gives us a sense of safety and predictability. However, the truth is, life doesn’t always go according to our plans. And holding tightly to things we can’t change often leaves us exhausted, anxious, and weighed down. 

While we can’t control everything, we can choose how we respond. Learning to release what’s beyond our grasp not only eases stress but also frees up energy for the things that truly matter.

Why Letting Go Feels So Hard

As humans, we like certainty. Control gives us the illusion that if we plan enough (most of the time fueled by worry), we can protect ourselves from discomfort. But that illusion often backfires. Instead of feeling safe, we end up more anxious and less present. 

Signs You’re Holding on Too Tightly

Sometimes we don’t even realize how much control we’re trying to keep. Do any of these sound familiar?

• Constantly worrying about things you cannot change.

• Replaying “what if” scenarios in your head over and over. 

• Feeling responsible for someone else’s emotions or choices.

• Struggling to relax or enjoy the present moment. 

If you nodded your head to any of these, you’re not the only one. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward loosening your grip.

The Gift of Letting Go

Letting go doesn’t mean not caring or giving up. It means making peace with what is out of your hands and choosing to focus on what is within your reach.

Can’t have lunch at that new cool rooftop restaurant with your friends because it’s pouring down rain? Check for seating inside, reschedule, or find a different place. Stuck in traffic? Turn up the music or the podcast, or call and talk to someone to pass the time. Daily news broadcasts causing a spike in your anxiety? Limit what you consume, choose reliable sources for information, and focus on the actions you can take. Heard a ridiculous rumor through the grapevine and think it might be about you? Stay true to your values, practice self-compassion, and surround yourself with supportive people.

When we release the things we can’t control, we free up space for peace of mind, clarity, and energy that can be redirected toward growth and healing. 

How to Practice Letting Go

Here are a few gentle ways to begin the practice of letting go:

• Notice what’s truly in your control. Your thoughts, choices, and actions are yours. Other people’s decisions, the past, or external circumstances are not.

• Practice acceptance. Acknowledge the present moment and your feelings without casting judgment. Remind yourself, “It’s okay to not have all the answers.” 

• Ask yourself: “Is this mine to carry?” If not, set it down and leave it. 

• Use mindfulness tools. Grounding exercises, deep breathing, and journaling can help bring you back to the present moment. 

• Set boundaries. Know and respect where your responsibility ends and others’ begin. Life is already challenging; there is no need to add unnecessary weight to your load. 

• Shift your focus. Instead of holding on to what you have no control over, focus on investing in what you can control. This means your daily practices, your well-being, and your mindset. 

Small Steps to Freedom

Letting go is not a one-time decision; it is an ongoing practice. Starting with small, consistent steps is key. Maybe these small steps look like releasing the frustration that comes with traffic, or letting go of trying to control how someone perceives you. With time, those small acts build into a life that feels lighter and freer. 

It’s Time to Loosen that Grip

You don’t need to carry everything. When you release what isn’t yours to hold, you create space for peace, clarity, and growth. And if you think it’s hard to let go on your own, know that you don’t have to do it alone. Therapy can be a supportive space to untangle what’s weighing you down and learn healthier strategies to cope. 

What will you let go of today?